Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
