can we get nightvision for the apartment?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
