i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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