we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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