I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
