I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
