guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
