from now on my penis is your penis
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
