my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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