Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
