i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
