Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
