im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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