It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
