you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
