All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
