He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
