I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
