I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
it was like eating out sand paper
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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