Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
