We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
