i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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