I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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