I cannot find my penis.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
