I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
