Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I supernannyed him into submission
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
