No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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