Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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