he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
