I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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