we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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