Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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