just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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