whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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