i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
