he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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