Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Four minutes until I can fart!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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