get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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