I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
