Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
