Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
