i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
