Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
