i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
