Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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