Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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