WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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