in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
