what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
