Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
50% drunk capacity currently
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
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