My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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