is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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