im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
This toilet bowl is my home.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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