So drunk its hurt
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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