My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
